July 9, 2012
What is the point??
Ever wonder what the heck God is doing? When you think you have an answer to prayer and then it's taken away from you? The answers change? Or, you just wonder what was the point? This morning I made the short trip to Ryerson to have Josh's base line assessment for the language camp that just last week seemed like a true answer to prayer.
It seems that Josh is not advanced enough to be able to participate in the camp.
To say that I am discouraged is an understatement. Last week I was so full of hope, so reassured that there was actually help out there for kids like Josh. Instead, today I discovered that for kids like Josh... the system sucks. Intensive therapy... nope, he's probably too good for that. Language camp? Not good enough. What happens to these kids then? Do they get lost in the cracks? How and Where does someone come in and say "I will help him"? When does the government say 'These kids need more help"?
On the drive home, fighting tears and anger I had to concede that God knows what he's doing. Somewhere out there, there are answers and God knows what those answers are. I just wish I did too. I wish I hadn't wasted an entire morning of our time, needing to keep Kaleb entertained in an office with nothing but three stuffed animals, and I can't understand what the purpose was? When it all seemed like such a wonderful answer to prayer... I am trying, really trying to see good in this. I am trying to see that maybe I don't know all the things that this process has meant or put into action for Josh but right now? Right now I just feel let down. Not angry anymore, just really confused and discouraged.
This little guy has been through hell and back, he's fought hard for life, he's fought hard for the skills he does have... he needs someone to cut him some slack!
One frustrated Mummy