March 19, 2013
Thanks to Bell who finally fixed a downed line outside our house is once again 'online'. I never realized how much I count on the internet before I didn't have it. Now that it's back online my inbox is flooded and instead of doing anything with it all I can think about is how badly my blog has been neglected. So here I sit.
March break came and went with a swiftness that I don't remember happening before. I took the boys to the cottage for the week and though each had a cold they also had a great time playing with their Grandad and Grandma and somehow I managed a relaxing week away. What surprised me was that when we returned home Kaleb was visabaly angry with Tim about not being there with them. I hadn't expected that, nor would I have guessed that he would have that sort of reaction. We had been having fun at the cottage, Tim called at night to talk with the boys and yet when we got home Kaleb was clearly angry with him. When we finally asked him about it he said 'I don't like Daddy, he's always at church'. This brought me up short, the boys know that Tim works at church but I never really figured they would equate work with church. I told them that we were going away because they didn't have school and that Daddy couldn't come because he was at work. Clearly Kaleb put two and two together to come up with "Daddy is at church instead of with us". It didn't take much to appease the little man and once again restore Tim to his good graces. It has however taken me longer to digest what this means.
I don't want my kids to grow up resenting the church because of the times it takes Tim away from them. I want them to grow up embracing the church, respecting the church and the work that their Dad does there. I don't recall ever being angry with my Dad for his time away at work, or the trips he had to make because of work, or even the times that he couldn't do something with us because of work. So I am left to wonder if I am doing something wrong? Am I somehow saying something that causes them to resent Tim's work? The church?
I remember when the boys were babies and all the sleepless nights, the total dependence they had on me and all I could think was 'this is just a hard phase, it'll be easier when they are more independent'. I am seeing more clearly that each phase is hard, each new development poses new obstacles and potential land minds to be navigated... I knew parenting was going to be hard but sometimes I am floored by the depth of responsibility that it comes with.