Thanks to Bell who finally fixed a downed line outside our house is once again 'online'. I never realized how much I count on the internet before I didn't have it. Now that it's back online my inbox is flooded and instead of doing anything with it all I can think about is how badly my blog has been neglected. So here I sit.
March break came and went with a swiftness that I don't remember happening before. I took the boys to the cottage for the week and though each had a cold they also had a great time playing with their Grandad and Grandma and somehow I managed a relaxing week away. What surprised me was that when we returned home Kaleb was visabaly angry with Tim about not being there with them. I hadn't expected that, nor would I have guessed that he would have that sort of reaction. We had been having fun at the cottage, Tim called at night to talk with the boys and yet when we got home Kaleb was clearly angry with him. When we finally asked him about it he said 'I don't like Daddy, he's always at church'. This brought me up short, the boys know that Tim works at church but I never really figured they would equate work with church. I told them that we were going away because they didn't have school and that Daddy couldn't come because he was at work. Clearly Kaleb put two and two together to come up with "Daddy is at church instead of with us". It didn't take much to appease the little man and once again restore Tim to his good graces. It has however taken me longer to digest what this means.
I don't want my kids to grow up resenting the church because of the times it takes Tim away from them. I want them to grow up embracing the church, respecting the church and the work that their Dad does there. I don't recall ever being angry with my Dad for his time away at work, or the trips he had to make because of work, or even the times that he couldn't do something with us because of work. So I am left to wonder if I am doing something wrong? Am I somehow saying something that causes them to resent Tim's work? The church?
I remember when the boys were babies and all the sleepless nights, the total dependence they had on me and all I could think was 'this is just a hard phase, it'll be easier when they are more independent'. I am seeing more clearly that each phase is hard, each new development poses new obstacles and potential land minds to be navigated... I knew parenting was going to be hard but sometimes I am floored by the depth of responsibility that it comes with.
You remind me how much I missed my dad when I was three yrs old and he left after breakfast. I also remember how important it was to my dad that his children were delighted to see him come home.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it makes any different that Tim works in a church as a minister. Every three-year-old has good reason to resent the threat to order and safety represented by the priority work has over a parent's life.
Some communities of believers seek together to protect families from the world. For example, Anabaptist men seek to work from home for this reason and the community grieves with families whose fathers must "work out."
Kirk
Hi Laurie! I completely agree with Kirk. Time and age will give the boys perspective. Most kids have no idea about what dad does and the boys' privilege will be that they get to see what their Dad does each Sunday. My girls were quite confused about what their dad did. When they were little, I told them that their dad "made money" as he was in the investment business. They told me years later that they literally thought it was his his job to "make money". They pictured him hanging up wet dollar bills on a laundry-style drying line and thought that all the money people had were because of their dad! :)
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