Photographs by Laurie @ Horizons Photography

August 17, 2010

Chasing rainbows...

A long time ago I went to Europe to live... I was broke, and had no credit cards. I just went on faith, as a missionary. God saw to it that I had enough money to get me through month to month with what I needed but there was little else. It was a great time of learning what faith meant, but it came at a cost.

I had a friend, a friend that was like a sister to me in some pretty tough times. Her parents were like my parents, they welcomed me, gave me a place to stay when I needed it and basically treated me with love, and compassion, I loved all of them deeply. This friend and I went through a lot together, we struggled with life and love, hope and let downs and went through the coming of age phase of our lives that leads us from our parents home into our own, and eventually into adulthood.

My time in Europe cost me that friendship. During that time my friends Mother was diagnosed with cancer, she died way to young, leaving behind a lot of people who loved her, including me. I wrote, I sent a card but I just couldn't afford to get home. She never forgave me for that. Later, I wrote and told her I was getting married, it was met with a hurt reply about me not being there for her. I was devasted, I would have loved to be there for her, I would have loved to have a chance to hold her and cry with her, to be there for her as she passed through that horrible season of grief, but I didn't, I couldn't, I had let her down without even meaning to.

I tried again when I did move home, I wanted her to know that I cared, I wanted to try to bridge that terrible gap in our friendship that lay open and bleeding but my calls were left unreturned and eventually we lost all contact. I didn't stop hoping that one day we would meet again and mend the old hurts. Every time God brought her name to my heart I prayed for her, I never stopped loving her or caring about our friendship.

This week I learned that she still hurts because she believes I didn't care enough to be around when nothing could be farther from the truth. I learned that she wants nothing to do with our old frienship and that she would prefer to leave things in the past. That hurts. I won't lie, at first it made me angry, I felt misunderstood and maybe all this is, is a feable attempt to make my voice heard, to justify my side of the things that ended that friendship, but it's also my last ditch effort to mend old broken down bridges. To let that friend know that I love her, that I have always loved her, and that I will never stop praying for her, and praying that someday we will meet again and be able to repair things.

So, here I am chasing rainbows...


August 15, 2010

Project Smile

Kaleb and I were on our own for church this morning so we decided to walk home, it was a nice breezy day for it and the rain was holding off so it was perfect. I started the trek through the busy streets of Toronto (with my trusty Phil & Teds stroller of course), stopping for an extra large dose of Tim Hortons caffine and an old fashion plain timbit for my littlest Timbit. As I walked I noticed something that I had noticed in New York as well but didn't have time to think about until today.

We don't connect. We walk down the street and either chat on the phone or text, email, facebook or whatever else we do these days to keep from actually looking into a persons eyes and seeing them. So, as I passed people I decided to try and connect...

my first attempt was a dismal failure... it was a woman who, like me, was walking with her stroller and coffee. I figured she would be the perfect victim for my experiment, with no cell phone attached to her ear and with a child in common I thought we could look up at eachother as we passed by and say hello, share a smile and move on our way. I was wrong. As she passed me she didn't even glance my way, even though I am sure she felt my eyes on hers, she made a passing comment to the toddler in the stroller about the pretty day and ignored me completely.

Next, a man on a cell phone who was walking at a fairly brisk pace... he at least looked at me but when I smiled he looked away. Was my smile so horrific that he couldn't bare to see it? What was going on? Next, a guy on a bike... he wouldn't look at me but at least Kaleb got a little half grin.

On and On it went, all the way down the Danforth, every person I passed I smiled at and you can imagine in a city the size of Toronto on a beautiful Sunday morning how many people I passed... I got a total of two smiles and one of those came from a child.

So, here is my plan... PROJECT SMILE! I am going to go for walks around here as often as I can and I am going to look people in the eye and smile at them and hopefully, maybe, one of those people will take notice of it and smile at the next person they pass on the street... thus beginning a wave of smiles across the beautiful city we call home.

August 14, 2010

A whale of a time!

We arrived home today after 2 weeks of road tripping down the East coast of the US. We started our adventures in Ocean City NJ where my family and I spent our summers as far back as I can remember. We went to the same ice cream parlor, walked the same board walk, looked in the same surf shops (cheap junk shops according to Tim) and most importantly we swam on the same beach, jumped in waves large enough to engulf us and tasted the sea more times than we would have liked. It was amazing! Watching Josh and Kaleb enjoy the sand and sea, the rides at Playland... never would I have dreamed I would be back there with kids one day.

We took time away from the kids for a night in NYC, where we took in a show and wandered the city where we spent the second week of our honeymoon, we even ate at one of our favorite restraunts in Little Italy!

Our next stop was Boston, then onto Salem and Maine. It was in Maine that we did something special from my bucket list. We took a four hour boat cruise to see the Whales... what an amazing experience! I watched in awe at the wonder of such a HUGE mammal swimming with such grace. How can anyone stand in the middle of the Ocean and view something so beautiful and yet not believe in the God who created it. It fascinates me that God created so many creatures, from the smallest of the plancton to the largest whales, and yet he put them where human eyes by rights would never see them. He created things of beauty so spectacular simply for his pleasure. How amazing is that?! At one point I took a moment to put down the camera and look at the faces of those people around me, and one man in particular stood out to me. In his eyes I literally saw awe and wonder, like a child on Christmas morning. It was beautiful.

The not so hot part of the trip was that all my guys were sick... :(

After Maine we headed North West and started our journey home, taking us through New Hampshire where we stayed in the hotel that Ulyses S Grant stayed in... kinda cool! Then we headed through Vermont, across Lake Champlain via the ferry and into NY where we stopped for a vist in Lake Placid where Josh was violently car sick. :( Needless to say the car stunk for the rest of the trip so we were thankful that we were so close to home.

While I am so glad to be home, there is one thing I will miss... Josh waking in the night for a cuddle, or Kaleb wanting to snuggle in my arms instead of sleep in his crib... didn't make for a restful holiday but it created a lot of great memories that will last long after my boys are grown with thier own kids.