Photographs by Laurie @ Horizons Photography

August 30, 2012


Sometimes I have to just stand still and observe... it's not my norm. I prefer to keep moving, action is what gets us places right? However, 4 weeks ago, after hearing that Josh will not be a assessed by Bloorview I was forced to rethink my actions. I had tried everything and nothing was working, I felt alone and scared and had literaly worried myself sick over Josh's situation. I ached to help him but how?

Tim said to me... Laurie, you have done all that you can, it's time to stop and wait to see what happens. That was hard to hear, who wants to just stop working to help their kid. However, as I drove to the cottage that day the boys were unusally quiet, Kaleb asleep and Josh content to watch the scenery go by. The car was terribly quiet so I began to pray, earnestly, and I discovered a peace in that quiet car. So I decided that I would do NOTHING until September when I could again begin to bug the school board for help. In the mean time I would just enjoy the boys for who they are, love them as they are not how I wanted them to be. Could I be content with Josh as he was? Could I find peace with him never being fully able to speak. What I found was this...

YES!! He's a delight! I also found that in the waiting and stillness I was better able to see his gains rather than all the ways he's still so far behind. With no doctors telling me his deficits I was able to see all that is right with Josh and how far he's come. This week he's said a number of 4 and 5 word sentences, and is starting to show an amazing imagination. 

One day he is Captain Hook stealing Peter Pan's shadow (Kaper is Pan) and another day he is a doggie running at my feet. He hands me imaginary ice cream cones, and shares his NEED of ice cream. He 'needs' many things these days... like special special presents and trips to Disney and always a deep need to go to the toy store to find that toy he likes. "I like it Mummy, want go to toy store'.

This all in a week of me observing.

This week has also shown me that though I have stopped working on this, God it seems has not. I have had a number of emails this week of people who want to help. Some who have contacts here and there and who want to help. So, though it goes against the grain I am waiting. God is healing him, of that there is no doubt and he's moving and working in the people who read this Blog and care about our son.


August 28, 2012

6 awesome weeks!

This summer has been one to remember. It was at times one of the busiest and hardest summers. I had become so used to Josh being in school for the afternoons that I had a hard time adjusting to entertaining two rowdy boys for an entire day, and I had never really appreciated how much Tim takes on when doing the morning shift so that I can get some much needed sleep in time. Being away from Tim was difficult to get used to for all three of us. BUT... what a good time we had! Watching these two grow over the last few months has been so much fun! Kaleb's personality has really started to set and firm, he's funny, he's all for the attention, he's charming and he's so compassionate and sweet. His talking is such a sweet pleasure to hear, though at times I wish he would stop for just a minute so that I can have some quiet. :) In fact, one day the two boys were in the car and Kaleb was chattering away in the back seat and finally Josh turned to him and yelled "Kaper! Stop talking!".

Josh, what an improvement he's made this summer! A number of times now he's come up with four and five word sentences!! He's expressing his thoughts, desires and feelings in words much more often. It's been so exciting to hear him speaking louder and in sentence form. No, he's not there yet. We have a road to go with him, but it's given me such hope. There is no doubt in my mind that God has heard my prayers, your prayers and is slowly healing Josh. Now, with school on the horizon I have big hopes for bigger gains and strides. The more Kaper talks, the bigger his sentences, the more Josh pushes ahead. His thoughts are now starting to come through and just last night he expressed a complex thought about trust. He prays now too, though not always in words I can understand, but fervently, with some english thrown in so that you can get a peak at what he's thankful for. One night he was thankful for the beach, for swimming and his brother, another night he was thankful for Spiderman and his bike... in fact when he prays I get a glimpse into his mind in a way that I can't during the day. My favorite time of day has become listening to Josh say his goodnight prayers. There is no doubt that he knows who he's talking to and that he's a friend who doesn't care if Josh can talk properly.

The boys did a lot of playing with another little boy this summer, just three months younger than Josh. Watching him play with this little boy allowed me the chance to see him interact with kids his age and where I was once terrified that he wouldn't fit in at school I now have no fears. He immediately took the lead with his new friend, showing him where to drive the trucks, showing him how to put his head under water while swimming, and when needed telling the child "NO" that's Kaper's truck! (Funny how if he had been the one to steal the truck he wouldn't have cared if it was Kapers or not!)

Kaleb, when anyone is hurt has learned to go over to them right away and gently touch their owie and ask if the are okay. If he has hurt them, wronged them he says in a very small little voice 'my sorry Josh' or 'my sorry Mummy' at which point all you can possibly do is pick him up and love him just that little bit more.

I mentioned that at the start of our extended cottage time I was going to be putting my camera down, counting on only my iphone for pictures if I really needed to take one, and my big one saved for special days out (like our day at Santa's village). I was so blessed by the experience. To see the boys through my own eyes, through my own heart and not through the lens has been so filled with blessings! Joining in the moments, rather than trying to capture them started as a discipline, every so often I thought... I need my camera!! However, within a week of not using it I was finding myself in the sand with them, building castles in the sand, playing on the swings and racing up the back road with them. I don't have a picture of the first time Josh rode his bike... but I somehow can't find a reason to care. I was beside him, and when he looks back and remembers that moment it will not be a memory where I am standing along side him with camera in hand but rather he will remember that I was the one beside him, teaching him to do it.

There are a million stories I could share with you, some of which could very well make it into this Blog over the course of time, but for now... I will say only this. I have been blessed this summer! This is my last year of having the boys home (Kaleb has two morning a week at nursery school and Josh starts JK for the morings) part time. Next year both boys will be in JK full time and I will be desperately looking back on these days and missing them. So, here's to living the moment!

I hope you all had a wonderful summer! I am glad to be back to the Blogging world and will be back to posting more frequently! Thanks for your patience!


August 18, 2012

Beautiful boy

I just happened to be about to take a shot of Josh playing his game when he looked up and gave me one of his beautiful bright smiles... Love that smile!

August 15, 2012

So blessed!

Since Tim's arrival we have managed to pretend we are pirates, play at being helpful Santa's elves and yesterday we made the transition to big boy bike for this little guy. So much has happened this summer, I have put my camera down as much as possible and instead of being an onlooker I have been thoroughly ensconced in whatever messy activity is happening. It's been fun and exhausting, hard work and yet as I look at the boys through fresh eyes (I've had some sleep since Tim arrived) I have seen so much growth in them. I am so blessed, these two charts are growing into some sweet, funny, polite, protective young boys and it's not lost on me how lucky I am to be given these gifts to raise.

I have not been blogging much this summer, I have been making the best use oft holiday time instead. It hasn't been easy, these past four weeks have bee filled with a bloggers dream amount of blogging stories that hopefully some of which will make it to be published. One story though, one such story I can't miss the opportunity to end on.

We went to Santa's village on Monday. One of the last rides we went on was the roller coaster (which we did about four times). The very front seat was out of order so Josh and Tim took the second to front seats. Josh sat down, looked around him and then he looked up at his Dad and said 'I want to sit up there!' - full sentence! Keep praying!!

I have missed blogging! I am looking forward to posting regularly on my return!

August 7, 2012

Funny guy

Kaper is becoming a real comedian... And drama king!!! I love this kid!