Time to stop.

Yesterday, as you can see in my previous post was... discouraging to say the least. I was unable to write exactly what happened because I had to sit with the news for a little bit. However, after several emails I felt an explanation was in order.

As you know, I have been waiting for our speech assessment with Bloorview to begin therapy for Josh. Yesterday I got a call from Bloorview. It seems that the referral was denied. Josh will not even be assessed. I am not fully sure why, I do know that the therapy they offer is for kids with CP or they have another programme for kids who suffered brain injuries after 6 months of age (Josh was three months old when his occurred and apparently they present differently). So, our only OHIP option here in Toronto has slipped through our fingers. We were told to go to Toronto Preschool speech and language, which is sadly where we are about to be discharged from. I was told that when Josh enters Senior Kindergarten there will be an option through the School board, but that is a whole year away.

Last week I recieved email after email, all from services that Josh doesn't qualify for because either he doesn't fit due to age, or because his speech is too bad, or too good, or he hasn't got the right diagnosis. All of it has left us feeling, (searching for the right word...) lost, hopeless, frustrated, discouraged... the list goes on.

I realized, or at least I am in the process of realizing that there is nothing left for me to do. I have contacted my MPP and signed consent for them to fight on Josh's behalf but other than that we are literally out of options. This is where I have to give up the reigns and just let God work. He knows, He knows the next step. Even now he's working, of that I have no doubt. It's time to let go, it's time to step back and watch. It's time to just accept how Josh is, to hope for more, to hope for healing, but to allow God to do his work and in the end to be able to give Him the glory because when all is said and done... it will not be through my power or Tim's power, or any doctor or programmes' power that Josh's brain is healed. In the end, there will be no doubt that God did it. Maybe that's what he's been waiting for?