When did I forget?

Something happened through the night, I woke at 4:30 and was unable to get back to sleep. I lay there for a long time (or it felt that way anyway) thinking about Josh, Kaleb and Tim and the amazing blessings that I have in them. That they love me is such a blessing, that I have been trusted with their care is beyond my comprehension. I finally gave up on sleep around 5 and came down to make a big pot of coffee and in my inbox was an email from a friend reminding me that miracles happen. That is when it happened...

How could I have so easily forgotten all those lessons learned in December? How could I forget the moment when Josh sat on Santa's knee at the Delta? Am I so fickle in my faith, in my passion that I forget the miracles when trouble strikes? I sat here and I read back through my Blog, I looked back on the painful memories, and I saw the stars in the night.

When Josh sat on Santa's knee that day, sick, broken, weak and slightly afraid, he also had the glow of childish wonder, of awe on the lap on which he sat, the eyes in which he stared into. Are we not all children? Am I not a child? Sitting on the lap of my God, broken, weak, sick and afraid? When did I get to old to remember the wonder? The awe? How could I have forgotten?

The coffee pot beeped it's completion and I got up to pour myself a cup and sitting beside the pot was Tim's Bible and in it I read this... Therefore, do not be anxious for tomorrow for tomorrow will be anxious for itself, Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble.'  Last night I was feeling bleak, hopeless and scared. I am still afraid but I have been comforted, I have felt the loving arms of my maker around me and I am on my knees in both surrender and awe.