Sometimes all that life needs is just a little distraction for new perspective. I had a photo shoot yesterday that is been planned since the late winter, and I did not want to go. In fact I daresay I dreaded it. It's like this insanity that we are living with at the moment has captured my gumption and left me empty and afraid. I am using all my strength and energy to keep it together for Josh and Kaleb and the rest is used in trying hard to find hope and trust in God. That leaves nothing left for me, and certainly not a lot left for a photo shoot where I need my whole head to be there.
I drove to the shoot, praying along the way that it would go well, that my head would get in the game.
What I found when I got there was that God knew exactly what I needed on Friday, the best way to distract me. A photo shoot. Having a camera in my hand, seeing the world through a different lens allows me to open my mind to different perspectives, different filters, and new hope, new life creeps into the place that before this seemed to be impossibly dead. Allowing my mind to stop thinking about the future for that two hours gave me time to instead enjoy the moment for a short while, and I found myself totally focused on those two kids rather than what Josh is about to face. It was a relief, a brief reprieve in a world gone chaotic.
It left to me think, about life, about God and about how he knows me so much better than I know myself. It left me to wonder how much he must love me, how much he must care, that he gave me the chance to forget for a while, in a way that only I could. How well does he know me, how much does he care, that he thinks of my needs months before I know I will need them? What is he preparing now, for the months ahead, to offer comfort, peace, hope, and forgetfulness?