Photographs by Laurie @ Horizons Photography

October 6, 2011

Why?

Why? It's a loaded question right? I mean, it could be about anything, and it can at times it can lead you to answers that discourage you or lift you up, anger you or thrill you. It's a question that can lead to more and more questions and at times drive you crazy.

Joshua is officially in the 'why?' stage, it began with the occasional 'why?' a few months ago but last night it began officially.

'Time for bed'
'Why?'
'because you need to sleep'
'Why?'
'because you are tired'
'Why?'
'because you got up too early'
'Why?'
'because you want to drive your mother nuts'
'Why?
'I don't know, you tell me'...

This morning it began again when I said no to a cookie... It's fun stage isn't it? The thing is though, I was thinking about the why stage and relating it to my own life and Christian journey. I realized that I am in the why stage, that I am still a preschooler in my Faith walk.

'Time to rest in me Laurie'
'Why?'
'because you need rest'
'Why?'
'because you are tired'
'why?'
'because you are doing to much'
'Why?'
'because you don't trust me to do it for you'
'Why?
'I don't know, you tell me'...

Last night as I was praying over the ten things that I am thankful for I was reminded of this, that though I try, the reality is that I do not trust him to work things out. The little things, the 'silly' stuff that matters to us but not in the grand scheme of things. I have been trying to do it because I kept thinking he was too busy worrying about the big things, Josh's heart, Kaleb's breathing, Joshua's speech troubles. I wanted him to be focusing on those things, not needing to worry of the small incidentals of my life. I have been carrying the load, and I am tired. The sad thing is, that by nut allowing him in to all the areas in my life, big and small, I have said in essence that he can't handle it. I have put limits on a limitless God.

Thank God for his grace.