I don't know what is worse, watching Josh lying still and sedated in the CCU or being more alert and fighting the pain and the meds and irritations that come with surgery. Calling 'Mummy' hour after hour in an attempt to get me to make it better. I am completely and totally helpless, there is no way that I can make this pain go away for him, or make the healing process go any faster.
That all being said, with each thrashing, each desperate call for 'Mummy' I am thankful. He is fighting, he is not caving to the pressure to just sleep it off. He is exhausted, he is groggy, he is weak, he is in pain, he's itchy, he is gassy BUT he is drinking, and he even had some apple sauce today, he wants to play, he wants to sit up, he wants to stay awake. He is a fighter and always has been and that has brought him this far, kept him with us this long.
So I thank God for giving him a fighting spirit, but more importantly a fighters heart.