December 30, 2010
Today, I am thinking about the expectations I place on them, even at this early age. With Josh, with his illness and his stroke I didn't expect as much. I had been told that there would be delays and I didn't expect any differently. When Kaleb was born, even though he too was born fairly early no one told me that I should expect a delay so I didn't. Kaleb is starting to talk, he points to things and tries a word on it, even if it's just the first syllable Li Li for light. Josh, he has words but it's like he refuses to use them.
My question is this. Is it my fault? Was it because I didn't have any expectations for Josh? Or, is this just they it goes with kids? Each one being different, having their own personality etc. Side note here - I have placed great expectations on Josh that he is going to be the kid that brings the Leafs to the Stanley cup so let's hope the answers lie somewhere in there!!
I think if you read between the lines here you will find that my main issue is pure frustration at not being able to communicate with my kid. I see other two and three year olds chatting up a storm with their parents and I yearn to have those silly asinine conversations with Josh. I want to hear his 'whys?' from the back even if they drive me crazy!! To hear him tell me about the train or the dinosaur or the worm in the garden would all bring me joy and delight and I long, even yearn for that. I see his frustration and I know his pain because I am just as frustrated!