Photographs by Laurie @ Horizons Photography

November 6, 2010

Unaware

I was listening to more of Mercy Me last night on the way to and from the gym, the CD (undone) is by far one of the most cathartic CDs I have listened to. It makes sense to me, I feel his pain, I understand his grief and I find relief in knowing that someone gets me. There is one song called Unaware that brings me to my knees...

Forgive me if I stare

But I am taken back
That You would let me here
Regardless of my past


Oh my hands are shaking now
But I catch my breathe somehow
Oh, I am free at last

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name


Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me


Tell me how I got here
I couldn't make it on my own
Just tell me I can stay
Cause it feels so much like home


And I lose all track of time
When I look into Your eyes
Your love is all I know


Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me


I'm aware I'm in a place I couldn't be
If You weren't there to call my name and rescue me

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name


I'm unaware of all my fears
And I'm unaware of all my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name


I'm unaware that I still breathe
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me

How many times have I felt like this... like I don't deserve to be there, to be called by name and acknowledged by our Creator, and yet he is so aware of me, tiny little me. It reminds me too that he is aware of Joshua, he knows that heart better than any doctor can, he made it. Interesting isn't it?

What saddens me, what breaks my heart in so many ways, is that I need to be brought to my knees in surrender before I come back to a place of real love and worship. How many times does he need to get my attention using foul circumstances like this?! Why can't I just long to be in his presence always, 'when the sun is shining down on me' and when 'Im lost in that desert place'.

So I am on my knees in awe that the maker of the Universe, is aware of me.

It has dawned on me that while I am using this Blog to work out my feeling surrounding Joshua's heart matters and upcoming surgery I am running the risk of alienating the few who read this, or boring you silly at least. So, I will do my utmost to get back to the regular flow of the Blog that I had started... :)