I watched the Last Holiday for the first time last night with my Mom while I edited her photos. It's a movie starring Queen Latifa, her character is given 3 weeks to live so after feeling sorry for herself for a short time she decides that she is going to enjoy the time she has left. She cashes in her savings and gets gets herself on a plane to Prague to make her dream of staying in a particular hotel where her favorite famous chef works.
The movie takes her on a ride of enjoying life, living the dream and then realizing that it's worth nothing if the people you love aren't there with you to enjoy the ride. She goes from a woman who goes about life, not enjoying life, never stepping up and saying what she needs or thinks, who never eats what she cooks because it's got fat in it, to being a woman who learns what it means to enjoy the life we are given. To love the people in our lives, to enjoy the bounty and in the end being Thankful for it all.
I could learn a lesson here if I chose to, I could watch the movie, laughing hysterically and never see the bigger picture or I could watch, laugh and enjoy it but also see how this is only funny because it's so reminiscent of my own life.
I have been caught in the dull drums of life, living in the future, worrying the future and not looking at right now, not enjoying today. Today, I have a wonderful husband who supports me and cares for me, who helps me to attain my goals and makes my dreams more reachable. I have two beautiful sons who are funny, cute, sweet, full of life and joy and laughter. I have parents who would do anything for me, sacrifice themselves if it meant it would make my life easier, or the life of my kids easier. I have in-laws who give so generously in both time, love, help of any kind. I am so blessed, and to live in fear of tomorrow is in a sense throwing my hands up and giving up. It's like saying 'thanks anyway' to the people who do their utmost to be there for me, to help me.
My hope needs to be in God alone, to allow myself to live with the worry of what may or may not happen to my kids in the future is like telling God I don't trust him and since I want to grow beyond my doubts, fears and worry. I want to rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign and have that be enough.