They should be here

This post will probably offend some of you, and I am prepared to hear feedback, I want that said up front. I do not by any means mean to offend you, but the topic I am approaching today is offensive and is unavoidable on both sides of the story. So, you should know that I have heard some pretty offensive things on the same topic.

Sunday, (tomorrow) is the 39th anniversary of the controversial decision made for a woman's right to have an abortion. This topic saddens me to no end, it grieves my heart at some of the things I have heard so many times. Doctors talking clinically about reducing multiple's to a single, or disposing of the 'medical waste'. I have seen horrific pictures, clearly showing a growing baby, babies that were ripped out of their mothers womb before they had a chance to defend themselves. I have seen the after affects of the desperate aching hole left not only in the woman, who never forgets the day her child would have been born, how old they would be, or wonder time and again what they might have looked like or been good at, or enjoyed. I have seen it devastate the men, the Fathers who had no rights, no choices in the matter, no say because though biologically his, he's not blessed enough to carry him/her in his body.

There are lots of arguments, I have heard them, and both sides grieve me, it's not cut and dried. Pain is pain and it's messy. However, life is life and it's beautiful!

I won't forget the first time (of many) we were told to terminate Joshua, to wait and try again for a healthy baby. Bile rises to me throat as I think about it. What kind of world do we live in that I should want anything less than the baby that already is?! He's my son, and those doctors were talking about killing a child we had already named, bonded with and loved. We finally had to beg them to stop, as it continued until just weeks before he was born, and after he was already at an age when were not for his healthy problems he would have been viable. *side note* Did you know in Canada you can abort your child at any time, provided that baby has not yet taken a breath outside of his or hers mothers womb. So, I could kill him today but if he's born tomorrow I am the worst kind of killer, I am a baby killer?

The day we went for a pregnancy test to confirm Kaleb was on the way, we were advised by our family doctor that we had had a stressful year and should consider termination... there was nothing wrong with Kaleb, but we had had a tough year so maybe we should kill him? (we switched doctors quickly)

I ache for the thousands of women and men who face this decision, to make the choices to end the pregnancy and I pray for them that one day they will find peace. There is no easy road once that little test shows positive. Parenting is tough, I struggle every day to know what is right, what is wrong, what damage am I doing to my child? How do I respond to certain situations... and let's be honest, it's a tiring, thankless job for most of the day.

Those kids though, the two kids asleep as I write this, the ones the doctors would have killed if I had agreed, they are the most amazing little guys, full of life, wisdom, strength and heart. They teach me every day about compassion, generosity of spirit, hope, strength, courage, determination and drive. They deserved a chance to live, and I thank God we were strong enough to make the right choice.

As I said, I know this is going to go against the grain for many of you. Abortion is so commonplace now that it's me who is now being offensive, it's me who is narrow minded and non feminist; but let's be clear. I am okay with that. If one person, just one, reads this, reads this whole Blog for that matter, and sees what a gift a child can be (even unhealthy 'defective' ones) and chooses life for her child... then I thank God! I won't take back my words. Today life groups around the world are protesting, and I am not taking part in that. I don't believe that scaring and horrifying a woman who is already terrified and unsure is a great way to begin a tough conversation. Instead, my 'protest' if you will is to simply commit to pray for these unborn children, and for their mothers and fathers, that they try to make the best decision possible for the child, not just their convenience.