Photographs by Laurie @ Horizons Photography

October 18, 2010

Waiting for patience impatiently

I have been alive a loooong time... (no I won't say exactly what a loooong time is) and in all that time I have been impatient. I used to say 'God made me this way, surly he likes me the way he made me, he doesn't make mistakes', but alas I think that the reality is that my impatience is actually something sinful in me that God is constantly trying to change in me... something that I have yet to learn. I wish he would just snap his fingers and grant me patience, would really be so much easier than always WAITING!

It seems like I am always in a perpetual state of waiting. This most recent waiting has to do with Josh yet again... he has been Gods tool in the lesson of patience MANY MANY times. First there was the pregnancy, I was so excited to meet the little man and I had to WAIT 9 months (although God took pity on me and I only had to wait months). Then there was the wait to see if he is healthy, what level of damage there was to his heart etc. Waiting waiting and then some more waiting.

 Now, we are again in a state of wait. Josh has been showing signs of lack of energy, extreme tiredness and times when he just plain lethargic. Our cardiologist is fantastic and is really great at emailing me to reassure me when I have worries or questions. Usually I write and say 'this is worrying me... should I be worried?' and within 24 hours she reassures me and I go about my life worry free (or relatively worry free at least). This time however, she didn't tell me that, she didn't say 'worry' but she didn't say 'don't worry'... instead she said 'let's hope it's not his heart and get him in for an ECHO to check it out'... in essence it was a big fat "Wait".

So, now here I sit... waiting for patience impatiently...