Humbled...

Wednesday I wrote and told you about the frustration of Joshua's latest speech assessment, I told you how sad it made me and how I felt utterly helpless to help my son. Thursday I wrote and told you that his positive attitude was quickly making me change my own negative one.

Today, Friday, I realized something that I had to share.

As I have mentioned in another post about this subject, the Diocese of Toronto, specifically the Archbishop Colin Johnson, gave us some money from the Bishops discretionary fund to help us get Josh the much needed therapy he needs. Due to all the illness that this house has seen in the past month and a half since we recieved that money I haven't had time to track down a good therapist and with Christmas coming I had planned to wait until January to find that person.

After hearing from the speech pathologist on Wednesday that Josh needs a language therapist (not a speech therapist) I was given a name of a woman who has agreed to take Josh in for assessment and work with him, she's a private therapist so the money we received from the Bishop will be needed to access this help. Today, as I was going about my day it dawned on me that had I not had that frustrating and sad encounter with the Bloorview pathologist on Wednesday I would have spent all that money on a speech therapist and not a language therapist (there really is a difference), and Josh would not be getting the help he actually needs. As I contemplated this I was humbled, my doubts and fears were saying to God 'I don't trust you'. What I realized today, what humbled me, is that we needed that frustrating assessment to get a little closer to getting Josh the help he needs. The illness that set me back for the last month and a half, the fatigue that has made me put off finding Josh a good therapist, all of it was a small part of a bigger picture. Had I not been so ill, had we not had that assessment, we would be spending hours of time and hundreds of dollars on therapy Josh doesn't need and that won't help him. Instead, though it took some suffering, fear, hurt, anxiety, frustration and even some anger, Josh is now going to be getting the best possible care that we can afford. God indeed has a plan, even when we can't see the forest for the trees, he's got the path all mapped out for us and is taking us by the hand, through the thorns to meadow.

As I watched him tonight playing with Kaper I realized that if God loves him so much, to care that he gets the right therapy, going to great lengths to ensure that it happens, then his plan is a good one for Joshua.

Be strong and courageous indeed. He is a God who does the impossible and as I watch him answer my prayers in unexpected, sometimes painful ways I am given a deep and all encompassing peace and hope. I have said this before, and I say it again because once again I am humbled "God has this". We are not alone, despite how it may feel, no matter what comes, even if the journey becomes painful and difficult. "HE has this! HE has Josh in the palm of his hand, and he's loving him and building a strong man out of him!"

Thank you, for your prayers and encouraging emails and responses. Thank you to the Archbishop and all those who so generously give to the Bishops discretionary fund. Our family, Joshua, will be forever grateful that God has used to you to bless us in this profound way. My heart is at rest tonight. My son will get the help he needs and even as I have tears of joy and relief pouring down my face I have a smile and peace that comes from God alone.