September 26, 2012
Once again I realize that having kids is an amazing lesson in God's unending love for us. No matter what he we do or don't do, no matter how mistakes, no matter how many times we try and fail, no matter what temper tantrums we throw, no matter how many good things, no matter how smart, how strong, how funny, how perfect we try to be or how imperfect we actually are. He loves us. Just as I love my kids no matter what they do.
Last night Tim and I were talking about the boys. Josh has been so angry with me lately and I was sharing with Tim how it breaks my heart that we aren't as close as we were this summer. My guess is that he's mad at me for sending him to school but it could just be a stage. He doesn't want to talk to me, and when I ask him questions he just says 'stop talking Mummy'. Hugs are few and far between these days too and where once, if I sat on the couch with him he would slide over for a snuggle, he is now telling me to go sit at the table and read.
Tim said. These kids will break our hearts one day. Then he said, 'it makes me realize how much God loves us, that he brought us into the world, knowing how much we would break his heart but loving us enough to do it anyway.'
How true is that? To bring a child into the world, knowing that at least a few times in their lives they will break your heart. Truly break your heart. They will say 'I hate you' in moments of anger, they will make bad decisions that hurt themselves and ultimately you and yet no matter what they do we will love them regardless and never regret bringing them into the world. We will always look at them through the eyes of love, through the eyes of wonder and joy.
Having kids is a lesson in love, not just the love of a parent or child but a real lesson in how much we ourselves are loved by the God who created us and seeks to have a relationship with us, regardless of what we have done. A God who would do anything and everything to see us in his thrown room enjoying his eternal rest, a God whose heart we break daily, who cries for us and rejoices with us. A God who despite being rejected by us continues to pursue us.