(This is a story I haven't heard in a while, I may have gotten a few details wrong but the gist of the story is the same as what happened).
Yesterday I was feeling pretty low, as you can see from my post yesterday. I spent time in prayer during the afternoon, praying for comfort, praying for hope, praying for something that I can't even name. In a sense I guess I was just doing what David would do in the Psalms and pouring my heart out in a hope that he would hear me.
When bed time came, as I was tucking Josh in and giving him his night time kiss he sat up in bed and pointed to the end of the bed and said 'man', not once but repeatedly. 'Man', over and over. Chills ran through me as I realized that this was not a word he had used before. Could it be that God had sent an angel to watch over my son? Could it be that he had given Josh the words to tell me about it to comfort me? Could it be that Josh saw an angel last night?
I don't know. I don't know what Josh saw or didn't see. I am unclear on angels and my belief in them but I can tell you this... the story from my sisters past came to mind and it eased my heart, the constriction that was holding it so tightly eased and I was able to breathe again. I tucked Josh in tight and said, 'if there is a man there Josh then it's your angel that God has sent to keep watch over you tonight, someone who will keep you safe and offer you rest.' After that Josh lay down, gave me a kiss and we didn't hear from him for the rest of the night.
Did he see an angel last night? Who knows, but whatever it was it was enough that I felt the comfort I was seeking yesterday. I still have no answers, I am still frustrated and sad, but I have been reminded that we are not alone. This is not a journey I need to walk without help, he is walking beside me and helping me. Maybe I don't need all the answers.
One of the comments yesterday came from a woman named Hope, and she reminded me that Job didn't know what the plan was, he didn't have the benefit of knowing the whole story. He knew only the suffering, he knew only the pain and the questions and yet he remained faithful, trusting and loving. I am not as strong and faithful as Job but I can strive to be. I can do my best to imitate him during these cloudy times.