October 11, 2012
For all the problems that we have had with Joshua's speech there are new signs of hope on the horizon. The doctor today has fought on Josh's behalf and we will now be offered an assessment through Bloorview. It is not a guarantee for therapy, but it's hope. The meeting went better than I thought; I had thought I would go in and state my case and then go home to wait for any answers they might come up with. Instead they were ready for me and spoke with speech before I even got there. This is (I feel) a direct answer to your prayers. She is also hoping that they will back date his referral so that he won't be put on the wait list now, but rather back in July when she first put the referral in. She is also willing to make an attempt to refer him to CCAC early though admittedly it's a long shot.
Last night we talked in our small group about the concept of letting go of the control and just waiting, allowing God the space and time to move and do his work. This is a lesson that I am learning well these past few months. My instinct is to fight, to work, to DO something, anything, that might help Josh. What I am learning very quickly is that God does a better job of controlling things and instead of driving myself insane with the worry, the angst and the emotional energy spent, I could just be enjoying the time we have together and trust God. I am learning that as my options run out God is showing me that He wants to do this for us, He wants me to let go of the reigns and let him help us. It's his joy to take these burdens and take up our fight.
I do not know what the assessment will mean for us, they may still deny us therapy. The reality is that in the face of this new hope I have to praise God because just this morning I didn't even have that left. Hope is a funny thing, you need it to survive and it's so easily begotten yet too often lost. So for now, I will cling to that and pray that God's sovereignty will win this battle for us.
We have also been told about a school at Bloorview, one that the doctor feels will be a good fit for Josh for his SK year. It's another thing to hope for, another thing to pray about. Where the doors were slammed shut these past few months I am starting to see some cracks in some windows and I am praying that God sees fit to help me open them.
Thank you all so much for your prayers this past 30 some odd hours. I certainly felt the peace that passes all understanding as I walked into that appointment today; and I saw the softened heart beneath the surface of our doctor. Now it's time to wait, hope, trust and believe that God is indeed in control, no matter what the outcome.