This morning... before I had consumed my first coffee my youngest child who is in the throws of being two decided to have a monumental melt down. This is not a new occurrence in our home these days, in fact for the last few weeks he has stepped it up a notch and the decibel levels can be heard through the neighborhood and probably throughout the GTA. In fact, just this morning my neighbor called Kaleb his alarm clock... just shy of embarrassing! His screaming is deafening, and he is not easily coddled... he gets so angry that he honestly looks like he might just explode! Yes, this is the child I have often written about as being 'my sweet' Kaleb. I have sat for hours after a tantrum trying to figure out what happened to my little sweet child, have I made some horrible mistake as a parent? Is being 2 so hard that he just can't bare it any longer? In truth, I think I am just suffering shell shock. I sit and try to think back to Josh's two year old stage... and then I remember, the tantrums that went on and on, day after day, week after week, seemingly without end and I catch a glimmer of hope. Josh still has the occasional meltdown, but all in all he is much more pleasant to be around these days. When did it change? I can't tell you, it just melted away and like the pain of suffering the days of a newborns cries it is all but forgotten unless you sit down and try to remember. The difference between the boys is language really, Josh would scream and cry but no words were offered. Kaleb will scream NO NO NO in anger and stomp his feet or throw his fists, or a toy, or a shoe, or a ... well, insert here anything that can be used as a projectile.
Then someone shared with me an article. This came after I posted on facebook about his current tantrum. Turns out that this is normal. :) The advice... leave the child alone. Don't meet anger with anger, don't coddle, don't appease. Just ignore. Then, when the child calms down a little bit, go to them and give them some comfort. So, I will do what the article says and let you know how it works... in the mean time I miss my sweet boy. I miss the giggles, the child who used to do anything to make us giggle.
I welcome any and all comments on how you handled this stage... or at the very least... comments on how to survive with sanity in tact!
Gee, how exciting that Kaleb has discovered his own will and independence! I look forward to the time when he chooses to let go of his self-determination so that people around him laugh and enjoy his company.
ReplyDeleteFrom my experience, I think the conflict will evolve most quickly if your loving responses are simple, clear and consistent. Barbara Coloroso (http://www.kidsareworthit.com/) suggests that social isolation is a pretty heavy negative outcome that gets through fast, so I think ignoring Kaleb's efforts is the best approach.
As unwelcome behavior leads predictably to the same unsatisfactory consequence for Kaleb, soon he will anticipate the consequence and tone down his effort to test your authority.
I hope this proves to be an accurate forecast!