Part 8: Really? You sure?

 

My bed is very cozy, I woke up not ago but I can’t seem to drag myself from my bed even with the delicious smell of fresh coffee that my housemate is brewing that I know he will share with me. It’s been one three weeks since that night at the castle, three weeks since that phone call and now plans were underway to meet in Munich airport on December 8^th for a belongings drop and retrieval.. That is just days away now and I lift my hands to my face and rub at my eyes as if I was rubbing it out of my mind for another day. It has been such a great few week, I have spend everyday in the kaminzimmer tucked into chair by the fire reading the Bible and praying for hours and hours on end and I still can’t get enough. I have had my earphones in and listening to worship music and it’s been an amazing restoration time. I have been avoiding people but only because they tend to get in the way of what is happening to me in this space I have found myself. It’s like a birth process in some ways. The more I read and learn and the more I pray the more I find myself so deeply rooted in this new love that I found. I feel so different, so loved, so worthy of the fullness he talks of giving his children. I wish I could do this forever I think to myself, this time is a rare gift and deep down I know it. This morning though I know that if I don’t get that coffee it’ll be cold and coffee is important to me so I push the covers aside and get dressed to go in search of the brew.

 

I turn down the ride to the castle in favor of the walk, and as I climb I think of all the amazing things God has been saying to me this last month. I knew for example that God did indeed have a man already picked out for me, I could stop searching for him because when the time was right God would bring him to me. I also knew that I was to be moving back to Canada, something I hadn’t ever planned to do but which seemed God really wanted, when I begged him to send me anywhere else he gave me a vision. I was walking down a pier I knew well from many visits in the past, as I walked along this pier there was a sailboat and a man with a yellow rain slicker on, it was very windy and the man offered me his hand to pull me on his boat. The pier the Oakville pier, and somehow I knew that the man was the one who would offer me his hand in an entirely different journey. There wasn’t fighting with him after that vision, I knew I would go to Canada and that I was being sent to Oakville of all places. (I have never lived in Oakville before, only ever surrounding it).

There is a bench that sits about half way up the mountain that looks out over the valley, I almost always stop at that bench and contemplate the valley, the way the fog sort of sits down there and the village disappears and I am above the clouds. When you look down the length of the valley towards Zell am See it’s like you are actually looking at a long lake between mountains, and if one was planted here for just a moment they  wouldn’t believe it if you said there was green pastures, a river and a village; it was all gone in the morning, blanketed in the fog until the sun woke up fully and burned it off.

 

I sat on the bench this morning, it wasn’t too cold today but still the seat beneath me was gripping the cold from the night so through my jeans I could feel the chill. A feeling I can’t describe comes over me, it’s a peaceful feeling but there is a message hidden in it that leaves me questioning everything, I question God, ‘what is it? What are you saying?” and that feeling persist. I don’t feel scared or worried or anxious but acceptance that this is what is and I don’t understand all that God has been saying and doing in my life if that is his plan. The feeling, it was that of impending death, my own, on December 8^th.

 

To be continued…

 

*Kaminzimmer means common room or great room, a gathering space of sorts