almost

There are words in our vocabulary that can inspire us, change us, break us or heal us, words that create and words that destroy, words of beginnings and words that speak of endings or, there are words that leave us hanging in the spaces in between.  

Almost, it’s the 'leave you hanging in between' of words, it’s the ‘wait’ it’s the ‘not now’ and yet there is just enough hope in it to be wistful, slightly beautiful in the ugliness of it’s unfinished incompleteness.

I have found that life here in the ‘in between’ of birth and death, of before and after Jesus, of the space between Genesis and Revelation there is a place called almost. We live here, it is our address, our home, our residence. We are almost there, almost finished, almost whole, almost happy, almost satisfied, almost, almost.  Almost but not now, not yet, soon, later, Almost

Living in the almost will always be uncomfortable because it’s not real, not finished, not permanent. We can’t move in and unpack because it’s not done, we aren’t ‘there’ just almost there. We strive, we struggle, we fight, we work, we worry, we try different things to get there but always when we stop we are still just in the almost. We get tired. It is like being in the middle of the lake and swimming hard, looking up and seeing that the horizon is still just as far as it was before, it may seem like you are almost there but you are not there yet. You are hungry, you want to eat and you are told ‘it’s almost time’ but it’s not time yet. Not yet.

Almost isn’t No, it’s wait, it’s soon but not yet, not now; later. Almost is both wistfully hopeful and painfully sad. It can fill you with wonder and anticipation or It can leave you winded and tired, excited or frustrated, peaceful or angry.  Ready or Not.

Almost is more than it seems when you first hear it, it’s a choice given that is given to you, you can live in almost with joy and excitement, or you can wallow there in bitterness and grief. You can find the wonder, breathe in the waiting, dream of the soon ;You can rise and unpack, beautify this space in between or you can sit with the boxes doing nothing while you wait.  You can stare at walls, yell at the wait, dread the not now. We can choose what almost is, is it no or is it later; is it bitter or wistful, is it stand or sit?