I am and have been feeling broken these days, like a puzzle that can't be put back together because somehow somewhere a piece got lost or maybe the picture isn't right and I am trying to fit the puzzle together where it doesn't belong. I want to be one thing, I want to act one way but every now and again I find myself slipping and before I know it the whole puzzle has come apart and I am left to start again. I can't paint, I can't sing, I can't do much artistically really, so I create my art with my photos. This is my latest... This is the stamp on which I am placed and the pieces I can't seem to get to fit. If I were to go deeper I would take a guess that humanity is like this, broken, and struggling to fix itself without having all the pieces. We just can't seem to make them fit and yet we continue to try.
I watch Josh putting together a puzzle and for the most part he is pretty good at it, but every once and a while he comes across a difficult one, he pushes and bangs the piece trying to make it work, then he gets frustrated and angry and often the offending piece is sent flying across the room. I try to explain to him that you need it to be turned just the right way, and then it slides in place all neat and snug, but like us he just drops the puzzle and looks up, wanting me to do it for him.
I am getting tired and frustrated with my puzzle, and I keep looking up, wanting God to fix it and do it for me... I am about to throw the pieces across the room.
Laurie, I appreciate your honesty and transparency on here. I really can't know how hard this is for you. I admire that even in your brokenness, you continue to look at God. To witness this is a huge challenge for me. But I also hear your pain and ache for you and Tim and Josh. I really wish that I could do something to make him better as I'm sure we all do. It's ok to cry and scream and get frustrated at God - I know he can handle this. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I have a little sticky on my computer screen at work with your names on it so that every time I see it I lift a prayer up for you. It feels so small as I want to be able to do something to fix this so badly... but I know there are times in life when all one can do is pray. Please know that if I can help in any way, I am more than willing. Errands, babysitting, visiting in the hospital, bringing Tim's to you, etc... Please don't hesitate to ask... I'll write you soon to see if there's something specific I can do for you.
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