The god that I have been serving is only love, he leaves no room for the suffering of martyrs, he allows everyone to do as they will and then he gives them eternity despite it. The god that I have been worshipping owes me, he owes me for my faithfulness, he owes me for my loyalty and he owes me for the times he has let me down. The god I have been serving leaves no room for truth, only grace.
I am not his puppet master to tell him 'make my son well', instead my job is to follow. To pick up my cross and follow him (whatever the cost) and to know that in the midst of both joy and laughter, suffering and pain and any other thing he throws my way, that he will be right beside me, ready to help carry the burden if I only I turn to him and ask, if I only ask and then allow him to help.
Somehow during Joshua's life I have forgotten who God is, I have lost the truth and I have been angry at him because he hasn't answered my prayers the way that I think he should, or the way that I would have. There was a time not so very long ago (while I lived in Austria) that I told God I wanted to suffer for him, that if it would bring me closer to him, if it could build a stronger, more intimate relationship with him then 'bring it on'. Those were my words, 'bring it on' and guess what?! He brought it and I ducked and ran instead of being honoured that he loves me enough to also want that kind of relationship with me.
I should be standing in awe and wonder that the God of the universe, who made the smallest little spider and the largest expanse of the universe cares enough about me that he takes the time to hear my prayers and answer them with...
'I love you too and I know that this pain, this hurt will allow us a greater intimacy, I know that you hurt, I want to wipe your tears for you and hold you close, crawl up in my lap and rest here when you need to but daughter, you can't see what plans I have, trust me and know always that I love you'.
(not scripture just what I imagine he would say to me)
The God I serve demands my all, he demands my heart, my mind and yes my very soul. I cannot place my son in front of him nor can I create a false god. I must be willing to give up EVERYTHING to serve him, because only then will I be able to enter the Kingdom of heaven. Now I need to trust God to give me the strength to love him enough to do just that. I now understand fully for the first time in my life why he said that it was harder for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I am a rich woman, there is a lot to be willing to give up.
'He who loves his Mother or Father more than Me is not worthy of Me; He who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:37-39
Laurie thank you for this... it's beautifully written. I smiled at your genie picture - for that is what I have been turning God into. And really - who am I to tell the Creator of the universe what's best? Hard truth to swallow at times, especially when my will is not what God wills. But I guess the command is simple "Follow Me" and not "Follow me because I'll do what you want"
ReplyDeleteWe would never know the music of the harp if the strings were left untouched or enjoy the fruit of the grape if it were not trodden in the wine-press. We would never discover the sweet perfume of cinnamon if it were not pressed and beaten or feel the warmth of fire if the coals were not utterly consumed. The wisdom and power of the great Workman are discovered by the trials through which His vessels of mercy are permit-ted to pass. Charles Spurgeon
ReplyDeleteYour sigh is able to move the heart of Jehovah.
Your whisper can incline His ear to you. Your prayer can stay His hand, and and your faith can move His arm. Do not think that God sits on high taking no account of you. Charles Spurgeon
"For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His."
2 Chronicles 16:9
What comfort to know that the one who knew us before the foundation of the world, who was there when we were knitted in our mother's womb, knows; before our word is on our tongue He knows. He knows our sitting, rising, our lying down and our paths. He knows our whims, our vacillating, erratic ways and also our yearning and passion, and pathetic efforts to be His follower.What comfort to know that he takes us as we are and covers us with His grace and mercy. Our lacks are covered by His blood; what favour, what love, what comfort!
ReplyDelete