Chasing rainbows...

A long time ago I went to Europe to live... I was broke, and had no credit cards. I just went on faith, as a missionary. God saw to it that I had enough money to get me through month to month with what I needed but there was little else. It was a great time of learning what faith meant, but it came at a cost.

I had a friend, a friend that was like a sister to me in some pretty tough times. Her parents were like my parents, they welcomed me, gave me a place to stay when I needed it and basically treated me with love, and compassion, I loved all of them deeply. This friend and I went through a lot together, we struggled with life and love, hope and let downs and went through the coming of age phase of our lives that leads us from our parents home into our own, and eventually into adulthood.

My time in Europe cost me that friendship. During that time my friends Mother was diagnosed with cancer, she died way to young, leaving behind a lot of people who loved her, including me. I wrote, I sent a card but I just couldn't afford to get home. She never forgave me for that. Later, I wrote and told her I was getting married, it was met with a hurt reply about me not being there for her. I was devasted, I would have loved to be there for her, I would have loved to have a chance to hold her and cry with her, to be there for her as she passed through that horrible season of grief, but I didn't, I couldn't, I had let her down without even meaning to.

I tried again when I did move home, I wanted her to know that I cared, I wanted to try to bridge that terrible gap in our friendship that lay open and bleeding but my calls were left unreturned and eventually we lost all contact. I didn't stop hoping that one day we would meet again and mend the old hurts. Every time God brought her name to my heart I prayed for her, I never stopped loving her or caring about our friendship.

This week I learned that she still hurts because she believes I didn't care enough to be around when nothing could be farther from the truth. I learned that she wants nothing to do with our old frienship and that she would prefer to leave things in the past. That hurts. I won't lie, at first it made me angry, I felt misunderstood and maybe all this is, is a feable attempt to make my voice heard, to justify my side of the things that ended that friendship, but it's also my last ditch effort to mend old broken down bridges. To let that friend know that I love her, that I have always loved her, and that I will never stop praying for her, and praying that someday we will meet again and be able to repair things.

So, here I am chasing rainbows...

L

Project Smile

Kaleb and I were on our own for church this morning so we decided to walk home, it was a nice breezy day for it and the rain was holding off so it was perfect. I started the trek through the busy streets of Toronto (with my trusty Phil & Teds stroller of course), stopping for an extra large dose of Tim Hortons caffine and an old fashion plain timbit for my littlest Timbit. As I walked I noticed something that I had noticed in New York as well but didn't have time to think about until today.

We don't connect. We walk down the street and either chat on the phone or text, email, facebook or whatever else we do these days to keep from actually looking into a persons eyes and seeing them. So, as I passed people I decided to try and connect...

my first attempt was a dismal failure... it was a woman who, like me, was walking with her stroller and coffee. I figured she would be the perfect victim for my experiment, with no cell phone attached to her ear and with a child in common I thought we could look up at eachother as we passed by and say hello, share a smile and move on our way. I was wrong. As she passed me she didn't even glance my way, even though I am sure she felt my eyes on hers, she made a passing comment to the toddler in the stroller about the pretty day and ignored me completely.

Next, a man on a cell phone who was walking at a fairly brisk pace... he at least looked at me but when I smiled he looked away. Was my smile so horrific that he couldn't bare to see it? What was going on? Next, a guy on a bike... he wouldn't look at me but at least Kaleb got a little half grin.

On and On it went, all the way down the Danforth, every person I passed I smiled at and you can imagine in a city the size of Toronto on a beautiful Sunday morning how many people I passed... I got a total of two smiles and one of those came from a child.

So, here is my plan... PROJECT SMILE! I am going to go for walks around here as often as I can and I am going to look people in the eye and smile at them and hopefully, maybe, one of those people will take notice of it and smile at the next person they pass on the street... thus beginning a wave of smiles across the beautiful city we call home.

A whale of a time!

We arrived home today after 2 weeks of road tripping down the East coast of the US. We started our adventures in Ocean City NJ where my family and I spent our summers as far back as I can remember. We went to the same ice cream parlor, walked the same board walk, looked in the same surf shops (cheap junk shops according to Tim) and most importantly we swam on the same beach, jumped in waves large enough to engulf us and tasted the sea more times than we would have liked. It was amazing! Watching Josh and Kaleb enjoy the sand and sea, the rides at Playland... never would I have dreamed I would be back there with kids one day.

We took time away from the kids for a night in NYC, where we took in a show and wandered the city where we spent the second week of our honeymoon, we even ate at one of our favorite restraunts in Little Italy!

Our next stop was Boston, then onto Salem and Maine. It was in Maine that we did something special from my bucket list. We took a four hour boat cruise to see the Whales... what an amazing experience! I watched in awe at the wonder of such a HUGE mammal swimming with such grace. How can anyone stand in the middle of the Ocean and view something so beautiful and yet not believe in the God who created it. It fascinates me that God created so many creatures, from the smallest of the plancton to the largest whales, and yet he put them where human eyes by rights would never see them. He created things of beauty so spectacular simply for his pleasure. How amazing is that?! At one point I took a moment to put down the camera and look at the faces of those people around me, and one man in particular stood out to me. In his eyes I literally saw awe and wonder, like a child on Christmas morning. It was beautiful.

The not so hot part of the trip was that all my guys were sick... :(

After Maine we headed North West and started our journey home, taking us through New Hampshire where we stayed in the hotel that Ulyses S Grant stayed in... kinda cool! Then we headed through Vermont, across Lake Champlain via the ferry and into NY where we stopped for a vist in Lake Placid where Josh was violently car sick. :( Needless to say the car stunk for the rest of the trip so we were thankful that we were so close to home.

While I am so glad to be home, there is one thing I will miss... Josh waking in the night for a cuddle, or Kaleb wanting to snuggle in my arms instead of sleep in his crib... didn't make for a restful holiday but it created a lot of great memories that will last long after my boys are grown with thier own kids.

I have time today!

In an hour I need to go to Sick Kids for an appointment for Josh but until then I have some free time (it does happen on occasion)...

I was checking out my site meter and I am noticing that I have a lot of traffic from all over the world and it makes me curious to see who is reading my blog, what their thoughts are and why they arn't following me ;)

So, here is the plan... tell me about you in the comment page!! I would love to hear about you, where you are and all that kind of stuff. I would also love to hear your thoughts on my posts... don't be shy!! :)

Accomplishments

I am finding it such a welcome and exhilarating thing to transform an ugly old home and make it into something beautiful, something that we can call our own and love accordingly. Yesterday I did little things, now that the painting is pretty much finished and Tim is busy with floors I had a little time to do smaller projects. I restored the door, a beautiful old wooden door with stain glass. Felix (the previous owners dog) had made some pretty huge gouges in it when scratching it, I assume to warn off the mail man or some equally abhorrent visitor). I transformed a VERY ugly fireplace into something I am really proud of, and I puttered in my new garden. It was a day filled with little things, things that being a stay at home Mom don't give you.

In my ordinary day I change a poopy diaper, only to have another poopy diaper in just a few hours (or minutes depending on the meals eaten previously). I clean the kitchen after breakfast, only to mess it up again at lunch, I pick up toys all day long... basically, I accomplish nothing in a day but keeping our heads above water so to speak. This house though, this is giving me something to accomplish, something to finish and take pride in. I didn't realize how much I needed that. Now I need to find ways to make this a part of my everyday life.

I am looking forward to making some changes in my life, to accomplishing more lasting things, whatever those may be.

The house

In all my life I have never had to paint so much! I am covered in primer... oil based... it's hot and the smell is stuck to my nose hairs... I think I might be high! It's amazing though, as I stroke the paint onto the trim and the walls and slowly the house becomes more of what I envisioned it would be, it becomes mine. I imagine that it's like my heart... dark and dirty, then as God works his paint brush over me it slowly becomes clean and white and fresh... more of what he envisioned me to be when he created me.

I never thought all this work would be so much fun, with music blaring in the background and the changes slowly taking place I am filled with a sense of pride. This is the place that I will watch the boys grow, where Josh and Kaleb will toss a ball in the back yard (hopefully escaping breaking the stainglassed window in the kitchen...) I imagine Christmas mornings and the pitter patter of their little feet running down the hall to our bedroom, I imagine them coming home from school, heading into the kitchen for a snack, throwing their bags down in a heap in the mudroom... I imagine the nights we sit by the fire, snuggling up to read a story or chat together, I guess I am imagining a home. My home, a place to finally settle and feel relaxed.

Things are coming together, I see God's hand all over it, from the deals we are getting on the tiles and flooring, and in the friends who are helping us.

It's so good to finally have a home to call our own!

Albert Yu

Okay, so I need to tell you about Albert... he is our real estate agent. Now, I don't know if any of you have a stereotype in mind when I say that, I know I did before Albert. I pictured some guy who doesn't care about me or my house, someone who is just out for a sale...

Not so with Albert, I remember the first house we were interested in, we thought about putting in an offer and Albert (though losing a sale) said that we should keep looking, that he thought we could find better for our price range. So, we took his advice and kept looking. Then we found the house, we both loved it and loved it even more the second time we went to look at it. Albert came over and we signed an offer, he talked us through the entire process without getting impatient with my never ending questions, or at my own impatience that wanted me to not try making deals but just give what they wanted.

The part that amazed me though, the part that brings me to write this blog in honour of Albert is this...

On July 8th we got possession of our new home, when we arrived, keys in hand to begin the painting and flooring process we were disbelieving to find the previous owner still there, and not only not moved out yet but a lot of things still unpacked. Disappointing to say the least. So, we decided to help her, we went to the basement which was entirely unpacked and we began the process of packing her things for her. Then hauling it upstairs to the living room where the guys were packing it into the Uhaul.

Within 5 minutes of us packing the basement she came down stairs and said that her truck was full and that the guys were going to unpack it and then not return (this was her nieces boyfriend keep in mind). My heart sunk, we had 2 weeks to get going on the work that needs to be done before we ourselves have to move in, and immediately after we move in we are going on a previous planned holiday... and I had babysitting all lined up so that I could work on the house as well. What were we going to do???

Call Albert!

He had a direct line to God that night, he must have because he called a moving company he knows who just happened to be on the Danforth bridge (not far from us) who had no intention of answering the phone except that at the last minute he remembered that he had left a drill at another clients house and he figured if it was her he could go pick it up. It wasn't the lady about the drill though, it was Albert asking a HUGE favour! They agreed and shortly after the call was made we had two movers and one large truck standing in the living room ready to tackle the problem with us. Then, about 5 minutes after that Albert showed up, he too ready to dig in and help pack and move!! I couldn't believe it??!! What real estate agent do you know who is willing to dig in and move someones stuff so that you can move in on time?? He even went so far as to tell the movers that if they didn't get paid that he would pay them out of pocket... ??? HUH?? What? In today's world there is someone out there willing to go above and beyond when the sale is already finalized? WOW!

I saw Christ is Albert... I hope that one day someone can say the same of me.

Flight 621 Memorial...

On July 5th 1970 on a hot but breezy Sunday a flight carrying 109 people flying from Montreal to LosAngeles with a stop in Toronto, crashed shortly after take off at the Toronto airport. It slammed into a farmers field in Brampton Ontario... No on survived.

40 years ago, it's a long time... more than I have been alive... and yet as I watched people gather on Sunday morning to remember their loved ones at a the crash site in Brampton I was touched by the rawness of those emotions. People spoke of Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers, Aunts & Uncles and friends... all with tears in their eyes and heavy hearts. It made you ache to watch. How do you move past something that leaves you not only totally winded but without your natural support system to help you recover?


One man, lost his wife of just 33days, as he speaks of her his eyes fill with tears and his voice cracks, the pain still very evident in both his anger and his grief. When does that kind of pain stop? How long? U2 sings a song called 40, it came to mind while I stood listening to the voices of so many hurting people.

I waited patiently for the Lord

He inclined and heard my cry

He brought me up out of the pit

Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song

How long to sing this song

How long...how long...how long...

How long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock

And made my footsteps firm

Many will see

Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song

How long to sing this song

How long...how long...how long...

How long...to sing this song

While I hurt for those who were devestated by the crash of flight 621, I am thankful and hopeful for them as well, that they have finally had a chance to gain some closure, that they are here, sharing in the love of others who have been hurt by the same tragedy, and that together, they may just find the power and the strength to sing a new song.

Canadian, Please

Rainbow

I love a good storm, with the raging thunder and bright flashes of lightning not to mention the amazing sound of rain thrashing against the window. There is really nothing better than a good storm on a hot summer night! When I was a  kid we would get into our bathing suits and rush into the rain (before the thunder and lightning started of course) and dance in puddles. Once, while visiting my Aunt in Ocean City NJ there was so much rain that the storm drains filled with water and what had been a nice quiet road turned into an awesome water slide! We all grabbed our beach inertubes and flooded the street, going for the ride of our young lives! I remember it being a long ride but I imagine that if I looked at that street now it would be a short little incline... ah childhood!

I think by far the best storm I have ever experienced was in Austria (yes, almost everything leads us back to that beautiful country in central Europe... half my heart is still there). I was 19 years old, it was a hot day in early July and I was having a particularly bad week. I had just gotten word that a friend back home had lost his brother to a freak accident, I was lonely for friends, and I was frustrated with life in general (I was a rather rebellious youth and generally angry and frustrated). So, that particular day I walked out onto the edge of our mountain (we call it the sound of music hill as it looks quite like the hill that Maria does her intro dance and song 'the hills are alive'). So, I am on the Sound of Music hill and in the mountains in front of me are the angriest clouds, rain was streaming down my cheeks and great bolts of lightning lit the sky. If I didn't know better I would say that God was seriously pissed off about something! I stood at the base of the storm and screamed as loud as I could, hoping to vent some of my anger and frustrations, the storm drowned me out. I screamed louder, becoming angrier but still the storm drowned me out. Anger egged me on and I could sense the anger in the storm as if it were God joining me in my emotional upheaval; so we raged together, we shared the angst, we growled at life and we spent ourselves with our tears...

Tired, I turned around, thinking of heading home, and there before me was the most beautiful rainbow I had ever seen in my life. Gone were the angry clouds, the rainbow filled the entire mountain scape before me and my heart, which had only moments before been tired and spent was filled with a renewed hope, a peace and sense of love that I still feel when I think back to those moments. God had met me in my anger and then showed me peace and love to counter my burning feelings.

That was the best storm I have ever witnessed. Tonight, the rain outside is simply soothing, reminding me of times gone by and filling my soul with peace and hope once again.

Toronto Violence

So, it seems that I wasted my rant on housework when if I had waited just a few short hours I could have ranted about the protests going on just a few kilometres from our home. Toronto rioting? What? Insanity?! Prostests I understand, I may not believe that they accomplish much but I understand and support the idea of freedom of speech but when it comes to the few people who use such demonstrations as an excuse to destroy property, start fires and injure people I am disgusted. I have been watching the news for most of the afternoon in shock, not just at the violence but at the morons who have their children there. It would be scary for most of us, but to a child? What must they be thinking? What are they hearing? Who are these parents that they follow this violence with their camera's and strollers in tow? Now, don't get me wrong, the photographer in me is itching to be there, to capture this historic event on camera, to record it and the human interest stories that are unfolding as I write this... but would I risk my child to take those shots? Would I allow them to know even a moment of fear to satisfy my own curiosity? Without hesitation, NO!

Am I proud to say that I am from Toronto? Yes, we are a fantastic city, a peaceful city and our police force should be commended on their restraint during this event. I don't know if I could have shown the same calm retraint if I were in their shoes.

These people who are protesting big business, destroying stores like NIKE, Starbucks etc. are also smashing windows on the Mom & Pop shops... explain that one to me? I am confused?

Watching the news, seeing the images, you could almost believe it was a movie... the sad thing is it's not. It's home.

Housework sucks!

I feel in the mood to rant, maybe it's the steady flow of rain that has prevented me from getting out and enjoying a Saturday in July, maybe it's because I didn't get much sleep last night, or the fact that the kids have been grumpy this morning... I don't know, but it's you who are reading this that are going to get a good dose of rant from me today...

I want to rant about housework... I know there are people out there who will feel this with me so sit back, grab a coffee and take a break from the housework to read about mine! It is never ending! I hate it, I hate dishes, (no the dishwasher guy still hasn't brought the part that our dishwasher needs in order to work properly!), I hate sticking my hands in dirty soapy warm water and using a soggy dishtowel to scrub grub off a plate, or get coffee stains off the morning mugs. I drying them even more! I hate doing laundry, I hate folding, ironing and worse, I hate putting the neatly piled clothes away in the drawers, just so that I can pull them out again and put them back on, just to wash them, dry them, fold them, iron them and put them away again... it's like the annoying song that never ends! I hate toys that get pulled out just seconds after they are put away, I hate dirty diapers, mucky floors, stacks of books in the wrong place, I hate housework! I mean, truly, it's a passionate hatred!

What really gets me, is that I never used to care about a neat house! Until I got married to a neat freak I couldn't care less if there was piles of stuff around... it felt more like home if I had to take clothes straight from the dryer to wear in the morning...

Then I met Tim, my neat freak hubby whom I love... somehow he got to me! Where I used to not care I now care very much. Now I sit in a room that is messy and I cringe, now I want things in their proper place, I want the kitchn counters neat and wiped down, I want the clothes hanging up... but I just don't want to do it! I hate housework! Worse, I hate that I can't afford to pay someone to do it for me!

So, today, on this rainy Saturday, instead of napping, or sitting with a good book and listening to the rain coming down, I have to fold clothes, wash my never ending dish pile and vacume my floors...

I hate housework!

It's ok to say it sucks!

Today my heart goes out to a really special friend, she will know who she is when she reads this. Her daughter is about to undergo heart surgery in Poland, she is only 5 months old. How do I find the words to comfort a friend when I can't find them to comfort myself? Do I say 'Im sorry'? That will certainly make her feel worlds better than she does right now! I am sure that sending a long distance hug would work too... I mean seriously! What do you say to a new Mom who's heart is breaking over thier babies broken heart? I don't know and yet I am one of those Moms...

The only thing I can possibly think to say to her right now, is what I wanted to someone to say to me... 'This sucks!'. No platitudes, no false promises of hope or meaningless words like 'it'll be okay'. It isn't okay, it's not going to be okay and to tell me that just frustrates and annoys! Sit with me in the moment, allow me to run the gammet of my emotions, let me rage, let me vent, let me cry, let me even feel sorry for myself once and awhile! Then, after you have allowed for all of that, then you can say 'Im sorry'. Not for the life we created, not for the child who is ill, but for the pain they suffer, for the fear that we are feeling, for the grief that we feel.

So, for my friend... you are an Ocean away and though I can't sit with you physically, know that I am by your side mentally, praying you through this time, crying for you, angry with you, hoping with you and listening to you. Rant if you want, cry if you want, get angry if you want... because this does suck! No child should suffer heart surgery! No baby should be forced to suffer in this way... but also know this. She is loved, not only by you but by God himself who loves her far more than you do. He can comfort her in ways that we can't even imagine!

My hope, my prayer, is that he comforts you as well, and that you feel his arms wrapped around you. My hope and prayer is that you have someone there who can allow you to cope in whatever way is neccesary for you, that someone is there to sit with you and listen.

Look up...

I am not sure those of you who read this have ever heard the term "dark night of the soul" or not, but it's a term I have often heard and even been through a few times in my life. It's a place where the night is long, the sky is dark and your soul is hurting. It's a place that you reach out for God, yearn for him, seek him, and sometimes, if you are looking, if you listen hard enough and long enough, you discover that he was there all along.

I have a friend travelling that road right now, he is fully entrenched in the night and can't seem to find his way out just yet. It has gotten me to thinking about my own time in that place, a time that while exceptionally painful was also so filled with love and joy that I would actually love to return.

I was in Austria, my fiance and I had broken up and I was left to really look deeply at myself and my relationships with others as well as myself and God. I had to go back in time and look at old hurts that needed to heal, I needed to ask for healing, I needed to accept healing. What a time! I just wanted to sleep, it was exhausting! I was so thoroughly entrenched that I couldn't do anything but spend time with God in conversation, sometimes yelling at him, sometimes just crying out to him and others, those wonderful moments when it dawned on me how much he loved me, all I could do was fully praise him. It was in this dark night that I really discovered JOY, not the happy happy joy joy, but true JOY. Where your heart is so in tune with your maker that nothing else matters, that you can be going through hell itself and still find a way to have hope in the midst of it. I found myself able to say two things for the first time in my life... 1) I love God, truly love him. 2) Bring it on, if this is what happens when pain comes, then I can take it, bring it on!

I remember one in particular, I was walking home and in the mountains in Austria that can be very difficult due to the darkness. You cannot see the path in front of you and the only way you can get home is to go with your gut and blind instinct (ahh, faith) or in my case purely by memory. I was looking at the ground, making sure I didn't trip on a root or stone (the walk took me from the castle down a mountain to the small town where I lived). At some point, for some reason that I am still not entirely sure of I decided to look up, what I saw took my breath away. Billions of tiny pinpricks of light, the night was black as black could be, but those stars were all the brighter for it!

Now, when in the midst of a dark night, I do my best to stop and look up because chances are there will be millions of bright shiny stars just waiting for me to view them!

Artist shoot

Today I had the pleasure of shooting a very talented 14 year old from Stoney Creek for both Christian Week and Alliance Life Canada. I was expecting the paintings to be good, Robert Bateman himself thinks so, but I was in no way prepared for the talent that I saw today. This kid is amazing! His art jumps off the canvas and you can almost believe that the tiger, leapard or swan is real... this is no ordinary artist!

Check out his website at: http://www.joshtiessen.com/

Loving them in the here and now...

I watched Kaleb make his way across the room last night for the first time, it wasn't quite a crawl yet, just a slow tummy shuffle that promises to turn into a full crawl in the next few days and part of me rejoiced with him. He's growing up so fast, he's developing on track and that makes me very happy after having so many troubles with Josh. Then there is a small part of me that sighs, this is the end of just putting him down somewhere and knowing that he is safe, now I will put him down and he will be moving on the most exciting thing in the room. Life is about to change and become even busier than it already is. Then of course is the part of me that is sad, my little baby boy is growing up. So many thoughts and feelings surround one little act of shuffling across the room.

When Josh walks by himself up the stairs without using a railing or falling and I jump up in excitement screaming and yelling about how proud I am of the "big boy", but my heart secretly longs for the quiet nights of rocking him to sleep.

How is it that as a Mom and I can want contradicting things for my children. I want them to grow into strong, Godly men but I want them to stay safe in my arms forever. When the time comes will I be ready for them to leave? I realize I have loads of time left for that, but look how fast time is flying! My boys will soon be throwing a football, skating down the ice with a stick chasing a puck, dating... (cringing as I write that one). When does my heart become ready to let go and let them grow? Or, maybe a better question is, when will I become strong enough, brave enough to just be happy for them, without the twinge of sadness that they are not my babies anymore?

I want Josh to stop throwing his food, but that comes at the cost of him being mature enough and old enough to know better, which means that I will miss after nap cuddles and bed time snuggles. I want Kaleb to crawl and walk but that means that he will no longer be content to be in my arms. How do I find contentment with the here and now and just rest in the joy that they are right now, as I write this, my baby boys who need all my love, all my support and all my wisdom? When will I just enjoy now, without fearing the changes that are inevitable and yet beautiful in their own way?

We bought our first home!

A year ago Tim and I were talking about our future, where we wanted to live, what kind of home we wanted for our kids to grow up etc. We thought about all the options outside of Toronto, even outside of Canada but as we were thinking it through and praying it over we came to the realization that maybe we were actually meant to stay here in Toronto. What a novel idea eh?! The reality of Tims work and his passion for the people of Toronto, as well as our close proximity to Sick Kids for Joshua soon made it clear that this is where we should be. Then of course came the question of where to live. We wanted to have our own home, a place that we could work on and fix up and raise the boys in. We wanted to own something so that years from now, when it's time to leave Toronto or retire we have the financial ability to have a home. (We live in a rectory at the moment).

So, with all those decisions in front of us we began the long process of waiting... I hate waiting! It sucks! I figure God made me impatient, why does he keep trying to change me? Why didn't he just make me the way he wanted me when he started me? Anyway, that was last year... finally we decided in June to go ahead and begin the house hunt, with Tim off for three months of paternity we figured that this was the best time to do it. So, in our typical all in fashion, we found a house, fell in love, and bought it all in one week! We take possession on the 8th of July! WOOO HOOO!

Now, it's all about packing, sorting, selling, buying, working... lots of working! I can't wait to get in there and start ripping up the floors, sanding and staining the hardwood, painting and moving in!

My Dad

When we are children we are taught to reach for our dreams, to believe in ourselves and work to reach our goals. We are taught that we can do anything! Then, somewhere along the way we lose the enthusiasm and we begin to lose sight of the dreams that once kept our imaginations captive when we were still young enough to believe in fairy tales. Some of us settle, or some just let go of the dream altogether...

My Dad, he had a dream. He wanted to write a book, a published book with all the bonuses that that entails. Today, at the age that most consider retirement, my Dad was taken on by an agent. His book (Caliburn) is so great that the editor who read the manuscript and who is never overly enthusiastic repeatedly used the word "Wow" when talking with the agent about the book. I can't wait to see my Dad's work in print, I am so proud!

Life lesson: Never ever quit on your dreams, because they won't quit on you!

Congratulations Dad! I love you so much and I am so proud of you!

Road Tripping with two kids...

  At first, all is silent. You sit back and relax and anticipate the journey ahead of you and the fun that you will have while on your trip. You hear the kids chatting in the back seat, you can hear toys being rattled around and the happy gurgles that say all is well. The music is on, your phone is off, and road stretches out before you... ahhh bliss.

YEAH RIGHT! That is the first 5 minutes of any road trip with two kids... then the reality sets in. The CARS movie plays so many times that you swear if you hear another sarcastic comment from Lightning McQueen you might actually jump through the mini DVD player and yank his spark plugs. Then there is the never ending grumping from your youngest who keeps throwing his toys on the floor of the car and can't reach them. Your husband... who happens to have an amazing ability to listen to the kids but not be totally annoyed by it... is busy watching the road so it's on you.

Then there is the stops, you get the kids out to stretch their legs and their little faces beam up at you as if you were the judge who had granted them their pardon. They run, they play (or in the case of the youngest roll around for awhile). When the time comes to get them back in their seats they stare at you in total bewilderment, scarcley believing that you would actually betray them and put them back into thier cells. The cries start, and last about 10 minutes... then it's back to CARS and throwing toys. (and how many cookies and mum mums does one have to feed them before they have actually had enough??).

Now, the fun part... you stop for dinner. You get into the restraunt with a two year old who has been sitting all day and you are asking him to sit through another hour while you eat. Not likely! Up & Down he goes until you are convinced that every person in the restraunt thinks you are raising a monster! (By this time it's possible that even you are beginning to wonder...) The food arrives and appeases them for the full minute it takes for them to realize that they are full of the cookies and mum mums that they had in the car, so the meal is promptly thrown on the floor. By this time your cheeks are burning so bright you are tempted to call the manager and tell him not to bother wasting energy on lighting... go green and leave the lighting to my cheeks, it will even have a romantic red tint.

Your meal is thankfully over, it's time to move to the hotel stage... oh Lord what were we thinking?? It takes 7 nights to sort out who is going to sleep where and how to get the other one to sleep in a new crib, and your trip is only 8 days? The drive back is much the same as the ride there, and when you finally arrive home the kids are annoyed with you because you then need to spend the next few days cleaning, and doing laundry and not giving them the 100% attention that they grew accustomed to on the trip.

However, those 8 days that you weren't on the road for? Those days when you had nothing to do but play and show your kids a good time. Where you get to watch them interact with the world and discover new places and things... thos 8 days are priceless!

The joys of Craigslisting...

The Phil & Teds double stroller... ahhh... a dream to steer, simple to fold up and to unfold, and small to store. There just isn't a better stroller on the market, and the price indicates that. Ranging from $600 - $1000+ it is way beyond my price point. However, when I want something I generally find a way to get it, and I wanted this stroller. I began a hunt through second hand sites like Kijiji and Craigslist but still the only P&T strollers were the top of the line VIBES and they were $700+ second hand. This posed a problem for me since I couldn't justify that kind of money for a stroller, even if it is the BEST stroller and the only stroller of my dreams. Then I had an AHA moment! An epiphany if you will...

Use Craigslist to get what I want! Not to buy from it, but to sell from it! Oh the joys of selling your things to people who actually want to spend money for them! Money that I can turn into my dream stroller! (Have I mentioned yet that I love the P&Ts double stroller?). So, I grabbed up the camera and began to shoot my stuff! Within hours my love seat was sold, my two strollers were gone and we said goodbye to our fish tank and it's accessories (okay, not all of that went within hours but it didn't take long). I started my house cleansing on Monday and on Wednesday I had almost half of the money I would need in order to buy the stroller of my dreams.. (sorry, I had to remind you here that I love that stroller). So, on Wednesday I was again going through Kijiji and Craigslist in a vain attempt to convince people to sell me their old P&T stroller for half the price and a photo shoot... (that didn't go over very well by the way)... the prices were crazy!! I was just about to give up for the hour (I really was desperate for the stroller and was checking about 15-20 times a day) when a new ad got posted on Craigslist. I clicked on the ad and there is this angel, telling me that there is a HUGE sale at Maclams (big baby store downtown) and the P&T strollers are on for $499 with the doubles kit!! You can imagine my excitement!! The tears of joy slipped down my cheeks (well, not really but it ads drama so bare with me here. I quickly called my husband, who is sick to death of hearing about the P&T dream stroller (why I don't know), and he said okay!! So, I quickly packed up the two kids, fresh from their afternoon naps, handed each a cookie and plugged the address into my GPS. Now, on an ordinary day, in an ordinary world I would never decide to drive with two kids, on a hot day right after nap and before dinner through downtown Toronto right at the peak of rush hour... BUT this was no ordinary day, this was the day that I was getting my dream stroller, the Phil & Teds double sport stroller! So, I ventured out into rush hour to drive from the North East corner to the South West corner. (the heat must have affected my senses that day). After an hour I made it to Maclams, I parked illegally, grabbed the kids, bought the stroller, put the kids back in the illegally parked car and started the LOOOOONG hot drive back to the house. The kids were crying, people in their cars were grumpy, but I drove through the city like I was on a cloud. I was living the dream! I was the new proud owner of the Phil & Teds sport stroller! Life doesn't get better than that! (well, it does but again I am going for drama!).

All of this is to say that Craigslist is my new best friend. I have fallen in love and have no problem at all selling off my stuff, which I have to say has resulted in a clean and clutter free (almost) house. So, now I have more time to take the kids out and enjoy my new dream stroller. (I love that stroller by the way!). Life lesson here: Craigslist = Clutter free home = time to enjoy life & kids!

Thank you Craigslist!