A few weeks ago Tim gave a sermon at Little T and in it he said that in biblical times when they spoke of the heart they didn't just mean love, they meant that it was the core of who you are, it was the center of you and what makes you who you are. I look at Josh and I see that, I see that his heart has defined him, his strength, his interests, his dreams and sometimes his nightmares have all been shaped by his physical heart and the struggles he has faced as a result of it. What I also see, and what I think they meant more by the terminology of the day is his heart, the spiritual side of himself that feels joy, love, hope and compassion. A week or so ago we visited a sick friend in the hospital, Josh was with us because we had just come from an appointment at Sick Kids. He stood by our friends bed and looked at his 'ouchie' (he had just had surgery) and you could see in his eyes understanding. When we were leaving Tim asked our friend if we could pray for him and before Tim could begin Josh stood up beside our friend and clasped his hands together and prayed out loud for him. His empathy, his compassion, his heart, has been shaped by the pain and suffering that he has himself gone through. He understands what it is like to lie helpless and in pain post surgery, and he knows the comfort that comes when someone stands beside you and offers up a simple prayer.
I don't think I will ever understand suffering, not on this side of heaven at least, but sometimes, on rare moments like that I catch a glimpse of how God can use the suffering to spread love and compassion. Sometimes I see for myself what Josh's life can do for others and when I do there is nothing I can do but stand back at watch with wonder at how God can turn things around
When our journey of the heart began I asked God endlessly 'why'? I have sought answers, I have asked for the reason, I have searched for the purpose... I don't think I will ever know, we are broken, all of us, we all have fallen short, we all have suffering in our lives, we all have known, do know and will know pain. It is a given, it is the only guarantee in life (aside from death). Yet, sometimes He allows us to see the way that he can redeem that suffering, all that pain, and use it to help others.
